Posted by: furmanbisher | December 18, 2011

Head Scratchers for Christmas

These are just a few botched parables I’d like to share with my friends at this Christmas time, not necessarily new, but well worn from being passed around era to era:

—” I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to copulate me.” (Andrew Dawson, major league outfielder.)

—“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.” (George Rogers, New Orleans Saints running back.)

—“He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.” (Torrin Polk, University of Houston wide receiver.)

—“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is some guy like Norman Einstein.” (Joe Theismann, former quarterback.)

—“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”  (Senior basketball player at University of Pittsburgh.)

—“You guys pair up, in groups of three.” (Bill Peterson, football coach at Florida State.)

—-“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock every morning, no matter what time it is.” (Lou Duva, veteran fight trainer.)

—-“I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?” Frank Layden, (Utah Jazz basketball team president.) Player’s answer: “Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.”

—-Chuck Nevitt, (N.C. State basketball player), explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he was so addled in practice:  “Coach, my sister is expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an aunt or an uncle.”

—-Texas A&M basketball coach, Shelby Metcalf, when a player told him he’d received four F’s and a D in class: “Son, it looks like you’ve been putting too much time on one  subject.”

—Chuck Shackleford, another N.C. State basketball player, telling his coach of his versatility: “I can go to my left or my right. I’m amphibious.”

—-Lou Duva again, when someone suggested that Mike Tyson should be smarter, coming out of prison: “Why would you expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton.”

—“Best win I’ve ever had.” (Steve Williams after caddying for Adam Scott in the Bridgestone Invitational.) “Was Steve the one playing, or am I missing something here?” asked Andy Roddick, the tennis player.

And, in signing off, let me wish a warm and hearty Christmas to all. (I made that one up all by myself.)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: