Oh, wouldn’t Ed Sullivan have loved this! He could have turned LaBron James into his “big show” of the year. Instead, ESPN put its own label on it—“The Decision”—as if the world was supposed to stand still while this dude who didn’t even go to college—well, what reason did he have?—held the nation in his hands while our citizens breathlessly awaited the news about where he’s going to work next season.
I mean, even Barack Obama couldn’t draw an audience like that. I’m early to bed, so I don’t know what he decided, and frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. Look, we had our own guy in Atlanta, a Johnson named Joe who could barely draw a crowd if he played naked. Joe is a nice, well behaved guy who can score, but it’s not as if the Hawks couldn’t live with him. But look what they did—brought him back in the fold for six years for $119 million. ONE HUNDRED NINETEEN MILLION BUCKS! Ain’t nobody worth $119 million bucks played a game in his underwear. Another kid, barely out of college, Kevin Durant decided he’d continue to work for the Oklahoma City Thunder—frankly, I didn’t even know Oklahoma City had a team in the NBA—for $90 million, for five years. What do they pay the rest of the players, the spear- carriers?
I realize that these NBA teams only have to floor five guys at a time. NFL teams have to support a squad of 54 or so. The major league baseball teams carry a choir of 25, not counting all the guys they put under the pretense of “disabled.” You see what happened to the Texas Rangers, when they signed Alex Rodriquez for $252 million. That was a real estate guy who was just breaking into bigtime baseball. You see what happened to him—he went bankrupt. Now the Rangers are up for sale.
Well, the ESPN’s “The Decision” show has played. And, you know something? I’ll bet it drew a helluva an audience. There are that many knuckleheads who had nothing better to do that night, but it didn’t include me. As I said, I’m an early bedtime guy. I don’t even stay up for an NBA game, much less to see who plays for whom, and for how much. “Buenos noches”.